Do not rush into that relationship (1): Being in a relationship

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Have you ever been in a relationship that you felt you were not supposed to be in? Or do you like a person right now and you are at a crossroads on whether to rush into the relationship or wait a while?

Believe me, I know how frustrating these issues can be. I was once in a relationship that I knew I rushed into and everyone around me knew the same, and they kept telling me but I was so in love that I completely ignored my intuition and everyone's.

The relationship lasted for a few months and I must say that it took me a very long time and a lot of effort to get over it. I even went into depression.

Everyone loves to be loved, everyone loves to have that person they can call their own and can feel that special connection with. Because of that, many people follow the next person that offers a relationship to them, without taking their time to think it through.

According to the Oxford dictionary; A relationship is how two or more people or things are connected or the state of being connected. It is how people or groups regard and behave towards each other

There are different kinds of relationships, relationships with your family, relationships with friends, with colleagues at work, with your mentor and then we have intimate relationships. My focus is on intimate relationships.

In this modern world, we say we are in a relationship when a guy develops a special feeling for a lady and asks her to be his girlfriend and there is an agreement between the two or when a lady agrees to start a relationship with a guy who asked her.

Let us look at this Illustration:

Paul is a fine young man, a guy you can describe as Tall, Dark, and Handsome, he is every lady's dream, he is also multi-talented. Because of this, he has many ladies around, he even gets asked out by these ladies.

Here is Rachel, a beautiful lady with a lot of virtues, a churchgoer, a lover of God and people, always ready to lend a helping hand. But Rachel has never been into a relationship before because she rarely goes out of her home.

Paul and Rachel's path crosses and they became friends. Within weeks of meeting, Rachel started catching feelings for Paul, Paul being a sharp guy senses that Rachel likes him, he then asks her to be his girlfriend.

Unknown to Rachel that Paul was a lady's man and also a player, she agrees to date him without thinking about it, seeking counsel from anyone to get to know him.

Few months down the lane, Rachel catches him cheating.

Feeling heartbroken, she breaks up with him, with the expectation that he would come back to beg her, but Paul being the player he is moved on to his next prey.

Many of us reading this have been in similar situations as Rachel in the story above. We have been in 'situation ships' that were caused by rushing into a relationship too early.

There are categories of people that go into intimate relationships without knowing and understanding fully what they are going into. They probably have seen their peers entering into one and they feel left out and jealous.

What it means to be in a relationship

Being in a relationship means no "longer being self-centered":

It means loving yourself and loving your partner: It's frustrating dating a person that only prioritizes themselves. Everything is about them alone.

Being in a relationship with people like that can be very frustrating and with time such behavior can kill any existing love between you both. If you choose to have an intimate relationship with a person, you should love them as yourself and set them as a priority.

If you are going to be self-centered, it's better not to be in one.

Being in a relationship means that you are accepting your partner exactly the way they are:

You should not enter a relationship and try to change your partner by constant complaints.

It is okay to want your partner to be the best version of themselves by highlighting their shortcomings and supporting them in changing for the better. But you shouldn't make them feel bad or feel like they have a problem while doing so.

You should first accept them the way they are before trying to make them better. And you should also make sure that your partner releases and wants to change.

Being in a relationship means giving and getting the time:

Relationships shouldn't be one-sided, you should give your time and get it from your partner also. Being the only one making effort in your relationship can be draining, with time you would get exhausted and give up.

Being in a relationship means having full trust and confidence in your partner:

It's popularly said that without trust there is no relationship. You should trust your partner and vice versa.

A relationship that is lacking trust is as good as dead because it would come with lots of fights and misunderstandings.

Being in a relationship means being patient, and loving with your full chest:

Relationships are not for you if you are not able to express your love towards your partner, and if you are not patient enough towards your partner, there could be problems along the way.

Being in a relationship means being vulnerable:

Being vulnerable in a relationship is one reason why most people get hurt, why they get betrayed by their partner because they let their guides down so much.

Still, to have chosen to enter a relationship, you should trust your partner and be vulnerable with them.

Lastly, being in a relationship means being an individual, having your own identity:

I once made that mistake in a relationship I was in, I depended so much on him that it drained him of all the love.

It is important that despite being in a relationship, you should have your own identity, have a life outside your relationship.

This write-up is in parts. I am going to be writing everything you need to know about an intimate relationship, the process, and why you should not rush into it too quickly.

Let us know in the comment section if this part was useful to you.